My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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