let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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