you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize