The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
