dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
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