I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
did i walk over a car last night?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
