He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
