Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
