Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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