Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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