How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
