I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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