My nipple is on Facebook.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
