Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
