Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
