I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
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Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
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Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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