My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Im part way to drunk.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
