I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
