i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
