I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...