I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
