I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
