I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
