just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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