his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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