people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
