Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
