You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
