Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
