I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
