That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
