We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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