Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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