Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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