Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
