i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
