Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
