My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
