So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize