I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
