that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
