half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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