This girl is more easily done than said...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
