Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We just shotgunned beers for America
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
