We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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