If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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