Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
