Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
