I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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