Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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