U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
