I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He felt like a one man threesome
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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