What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my shit smells like andre
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
