We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
being pregnant is like rehab
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
