Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
