I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
