The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
