Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
