he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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