Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
