We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
