When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
