I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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