I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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