I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
