Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
why do cheetos always look like penises
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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