I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
