I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
