when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
